Sweat rolled down Sunny’s back as she inhaled deeply on the cheap cigarette she was smoking. Since her mother killed herself, she had been forced to start smoking generics. They tasted like shit, but it was easier to smoke them than to quit altogether.
The afternoon sun blared down from the sky hatefully, but Sunny made no move to return to the air-conditioned house. As hot at as it was outside, the air was more oppressive in there. She had spent the day going through her mother’s possessions, sorting them into neat little piles: trash, keep, donate. The sum of her mother’s existence could be found in those pathetic little piles.
Sunny wanted to be angry with her mother. She wanted to hate her, but she couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried. And with every belonging she didn’t keep, or worse, tossed into the black of holes of the garbage bag, she felt like she was losing her mother all over again. These belongings were important to her mother. She had kept them for a reason, and to toss them aside seemed as though she was tossing her mother away with them.
Not four months before, Sunny’s grandmother had passed away, and even now, Sunny was still dealing with both her grief over the loss of her grandmother and with the added task of handling her grandmother’s affairs. Her mother was all Sunny had left, and now she, too, had become just something else to deal with.
Sunny envied her younger brother, an airman in the USAF stationed in Japan, with a covetousness that surprised even herself. He was free to do as he pleased, and he had no baggage to carry. Sunny, on the other hand, was barely into her twenties and already she felt like she had lived two lives or at least shouldered the burdens of them. There was a hollowness to her eyes now, a cold cynicism in place of the warmth that used to be there. Everyday was a day spent in the chains of responsibility.
Her family was small and so the duty of paying her mother’s bills, selling the house she and her mother shared, and tidying up the abrupt, violent end of a life fell exclusively to Sunny.
She had plenty of time to devote to the task because she barely slept more than hour or two a night since the morning her mother died. It was Sunny who awoke to find her mother’s body, and it was Sunny who could never erase the image from her mind.
Sunny had been sleeping in her bedroom when she heard a loud bang. Thinking her mother had dropped something or fallen, Sunny came racing down the steps. Her mother was lying in a pool of blood on the granite tile, the gun near her hand. Screaming, Sunny dialed 911 and desperately tried to give her mother CPR. Blood gushed into Sunny’s mouth, gagging her, as she tried to save her mother.
But, the blood was everywhere. It poured from her mother’s mouth and nose, and a dark crimson puddle grew on the floor. A stray piece of her mother’s beautiful blonde hair floated lightly in the pool. Sunny could remember every detail vividly.
By the time the paramedics arrived, her mother was gone, and Sunny was left with the mess. When she finally returned from the police station, she came back to a home that wasn’t a home anymore. It was a foreign and dangerous place, a place she barely recognized.
The blood had to be cleaned up, and so Sunny filled a bucket with warm soapy water and found some old towels. Pieces of brain and scalp had to be picked up individually, and the towels had to be wrung often. It took nearly two hours to erase the evidence of what had happened. With a little elbow grease, it was almost as if her mother was still alive. Sunny didn’t sleep for three days.
After the funeral and services, people offered empty promises of help, and Sunny thanked them numbly, knowing they would never be there for her. How could they? They had their own lives and troubles, and they certainly didn’t need to be burdened by Sunny.
And so, two weeks later Sunny found herself sitting on her front porch, smoking a cheap cigarette, and dreading going back inside the house she now thought of as a tomb.
The neighborhood was silent that afternoon. No kids were outside, and almost no cars were parked in the driveways. Sunny felt like time had stood still for moment, and she foolishly wished she had dreamed everything and would awake soon to her mother’s warm arms.
Instead, she was left with reality. Her mother killed herself. She wasn’t coming back.
“Hello Miss,” A voice called to Sunny, startling her. A man dressed in a khaki suit was standing at the edge of her driveway smiling at her. He was young and handsome with dark hair and eyes. Sunny hadn’t even seen or heard him walking on her street. She felt sure she would have noticed him, but here he was, grinning at her in an unrecognizable way.
“Hello.” She said hesitantly. The hairs on her neck stood at attention, but she didn’t know why.
“May I come up and have a word with you, please?” He said politely.
“Not if you’re selling anything.” Sunny replied curtly.
“Oh, no, I’m not selling anything. In fact, I’m in the market to make a purchase myself.” He walked confidently up her driveway and stood in front of her porch steps. “The name’s Lou.” He extended his hand, and Sunny reluctantly took it. His skin was hot and electric, and Sunny quickly released his hand.
“Sunny.” She said.
“What a beautiful name!” He oozed a smarmy charm, which reminded Sunny of the used car salesman who was always looking to take advantage of you.
“Thanks. So, what do you want if you’re not selling anything?” Sunny said brusquely. Despite her lack of enthusiasm for returning to her task, Sunny knew she had more work to do today; not to mention, her initial fear had not yet subsided.
“Well, let me ask you a question, Sunny. What do you want?”
“What do I want?” Sunny asked incredulously.
“Uh huh.” He nodded his head vigorously.
“I’d like a real cigarette for starters.” She flicked the generic into the driveway.
“Ask and ye shall receive.” Lou reached into the pocket of his jacket and handed her a Marlboro—her favorite brand.
“You have good taste, at least.” Sunny smiled as she lit the cigarette and relished its flavor. Her body relaxed, and she started to feel at ease.
“Oh, I know something good when I see it.” He lit a cigarette for himself. “So, tell me, Sunny, what would make you happy?”
Puzzled, Sunny stared at him and tried to decide what his angle was. He came out of nowhere to ask her what would make her happy? This situation felt wrong, and her new found ease abandoned her. Trying not to show her discomfort, Sunny continued nonchalantly smoking her cigarette.
“Why do you care what makes me happy?” Sunny asked.
“I’m in the business of giving people what they want, that’s all. By the way, is Sunny your real name?” He winked at her.
“No, my real name is Sunshine, but everyone calls me Sunny.”
“I like Sunny. It suits your pleasant demeanor.” He said with a hint of sarcasm.
Although thankful for the cigarette, Sunny had enough games. Her instincts couldn’t decide if Lou was a friend or foe, which was rather disconcerting. “Thanks for the cigarette, but I need to get back to work. Have a good day.” Sunny stood to leave.
“It must be tough to lose a parent from suicide.” Sunny stopped cold. “Real tough. Don’t know too many folks who could survive that.” Lou said in the same tone of voice others might use to remark upon the loss of a baseball game.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sunny walked towards the door.
“Don’t play games with me, Sunshine. I know for a fact that your mother shot herself one morning while you were asleep. Terrible ordeal for someone to go through. Just terrible.” He said in mock sympathy.
“Look, Lou, or whoever you are, I don’t know what you’re playing at here, but this conversation is over.” Sunny was frightened now, really frightened. Her mother’s death wasn’t in the paper, and she told no one the real cause of death, not even her brother. No one knew.
“But I can give you what you want, Sunny. I can give you what your heart desires more than anything else. I can give you freedom. I can lift all those burdens that have been placed on you. I can take away the pain, Sunny. You won’t ever have to feel like that again.” He said.
Sunny turned and sat down. She knew she should leave, that she should walk back in the house. But, she couldn’t. It was like some force stronger than her resolve, stronger than her sanity, was guiding her. “And how would you do that?”
“I have my ways.” Lou chuckled.
“I don’t imagine you’d do this for free either.” Sunny squinted at him.
“You can’t expect to get something for nothing. No, you have to make a deal to get what you’re after. And, you’re in luck. Back where I’m from, people call me ‘The Dealmaker.’ I kind of like the name. Has a nice ring to it. Don’t you agree, Sunny?”
“Assuming I even believe your nonsense that you can set me free, what will it cost me?” Sunny heard herself ask.
“I believe in deals like this, we always negotiate for your soul.” Lou smiled unassumingly, and Sunny couldn’t tell if he was serious.
Sunny was suddenly aware that she had been drawn into a dangerous world. This was not an ordinary conversation, this was not an ordinary day, and this was not an ordinary man. She felt like she was swimming in the dark. She knew she was in over her head but she didn’t know the direction to swim to safety. Why was she still sitting here? Why was she even talking to this dealmaker person? What was keeping her from going back into her house?
Controlling her emotions, Sunny replied: “My soul, huh? This better be some amazing freedom.”
“Oh, it is. You won’t have to be the responsible one anymore, Sunny. You won’t have to carry all the pressure, all the baggage. You won’t have to lie awake at night thinking about your mother’s face the day she died or wondering what you could have done to stop her. You won’t have to look in the mirror and face the guilt or the pain. I can take it all away, Sunny. All of it.” His tone turned serious, and Sunny felt scared, but intrigued. Isn’t this what she longed for?
“I don’t believe you.” She said quietly.
“I got your favorite brand of cigarette, didn’t I?” He said evenly.
“That’s not my favorite brand. I’m a Newport gal, personally.” Sunny lied.
“No, you’re not. You like Marlboros, and you know it. I know it too, which is why I gave you one when you asked.”
“Whatever,” was all Sunny could muster.
“Think about it, Sunny. I’m offering you the freedom you crave so badly. I’m offering you the chance for peace, for rest. Aren’t you tired, Sunny? You’re not sleeping, and when you’re awake, you’re stuck in that house with all of the remnants of your mother’s life. You must be exhausted, but I can make you feel better.”
“Does this mean you can bring my mother back to life?” Sunny asked sarcastically.
“No, I can’t do that. The past is behind us for a reason, and it cannot be altered. All I can do is offer you a different future, a better future. A future without all of these problems you’re facing.”
“And it will only cost me my soul?” Sunny asked in a tone so serious it shocked her.
“Just your soul.” The man’s voice was steady and smooth, and Sunny felt herself really considering his offer. She was tired, damn it. She was all alone. She was miserable. What if there was a way to remove the pain? What if there was a chance she could be problem free? What if she could find some peace? Shouldn’t she jump at that chance? Should she really deny herself some happiness?
Sunny’s heart raced in her chest as she contemplated the offer. She could always say “yes” in fun, but Sunny felt like this wasn’t just some act. This felt real. Could she do it? Could she sacrifice her soul?
The weight of the situation crushed Sunny, and she saw that Lou was smiling at her wickedly. The dealmaker felt certain this deal was done, and as Sunny opened her mouth, she thought of her mother. A flood of memories poured over her, and she relived the pain of losing her mother. She arrived at a decision.
“As tempting as your offer is, Lou. I’m going to have to decline.” Sunny replied sternly and quickly got up to go back inside.
“What?” Lou asked, anger showing in his face for the first time.
“I said ‘No,’ Lou, but thanks for the offer.” She replied shakily.
“You’re making a mistake. I’m just trying to help you, Sunny.” Lou cajoled her, trying to win her back. His deal was falling apart. He lost the upper hand and wanted it back.
“I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested. Please leave my property, or I’ll call the police.” She added. Turning her back on him, she opened her front door and stepped inside. Looking through her window, Sunny saw that Lou was again standing at the edge of her driveway. His face was dark and menacing, his features filled with hate.
Frightened, Sunny locked her door and watched Lou for what seemed like hours. He just stood there glaring at her. Finally, she turned away, for good this time, and breathed a sigh of relief. When she had the courage to look out again, Lou was gone.
The house was quiet and dark. Sunny was alone again, and she found she had tears running down her face. A strange object felt heavy in her hand. Glancing down, Sunny realized she was holding the gun, the same gun used by her mother. She couldn’t’ remember picking it up or how long she had been holding it, but she quickly sat it down on the kitchen table. She didn’t need it right now.
